Little girl lost
by vexus01
Summary: Lindsays past comes back to haunt her and interferes with the relationship with Danny.Possible Season 3 Spoilers
1. Little Girl Lost

Summary: Something in Lindsay's past interferes with the relationship she has with Danny. Possible season 3 spoilers inside!

Parings: d/l

Rating:T

She had always wondered would it would have been like to have a normal family. To get presents on Christmas day, have a stable home, and have a mother and father that were still in her life. The past she had tried to forget was beginning to creep back into her life like a predator waiting for its prey.

Bozeman, Montana was a wonderful town. The streets were lined with lampposts and the town had a homely feel that comforted her like a warm blanket. She loved going into town with her mother and shopping with her, shopping like two dear friends. Her mother had always thought of her as a friend, not like a daughter, even at that age. It was nice to have a mother to express your worries with.

Lindsay thought of her dad as a god. He went to every state fair competition she was in, went to every play, and was there when she needed her daddy. He could do no wrong in her eyes.

In was in the fall of 1984 that her dad had heard the news that the bank was going to foreclose on the ranch. Her father, normally a man of strong will, began to lose faith in himself. He started to drink heavily and began to withdrawal from family functions. It had even got to the point that he began to hit her mother, leaving large bruises on her arms and legs.

She wanted to protect her mother and as always, her mother had told her that her daddy was hurting and that he didn't mean it. He would never hit her mother again. But it became a cycle of violence and lies.

Lindsay thought that her daddy would change but he never did, and her world fell apart when she was 11 years old.

To be continued….


	2. A Autumn to Forget

part 2...

Summary: Just what happened to Lindsay? Wait and see...  
Parings: CMonroe/BMonroe  
Characters: Lindsay Monroe

Autumns in Montana meant cuddling up to the one you loved around a fire, carving pumpkins for Halloween and watching the mystical color change of the leaves. It has always been a favorite time of year for Lindsay, but not for long.

She had tried to forget about that fateful day, but the demons of her past kept enticing her, tempting her to remember.

It had been the day before the annual Montana state fair and Lindsay was ecstatic. She loved going to the fair. Ferris Wheels and games were an escape for her. Before she could go to the fair, she had to do what every child hated to do for generations: she had to clean her room.

Lindsay stood in the kitchen eating an apple when her mother asked her to do that simple request. "Mom! I hate cleaning my room!" Lindsay said, sulking down at the kitchen table, 'Mama we are losing our house. Nobody else has to clean their room before they can go to the fair, why do I have to?"

Cathy Monroe looked down at her resisting daughter and picked up the apple core the Lindsay had intentionally left on the dining room table. Lindsay always knew how to push the wrong buttons with her. She got that from her grandmother, god rest her soul.

"Well, Lindsay, I'm not everybody's parent, I'm YOUR mom and all I asked you to do is to clean your room," Cathy said, "Now just do it now!"

Lindsay started to take off towards her room, grumbling under her breath when she heard the familiar crunch of gravel on the driveway. She glanced out of the window to see her father stumble out of his truck. Her mother stood behind her and placed her hands on the back of Lindsay and turned her around.

Cathy started to panic. He's drunk again and I know how he acts when he's drunk. He's got a crazed look in his eyes again. How do I protect my daughter from this monster that she calls her father?

"Lindsay, forget about cleaning your room, just go to your room now!" Cathy said, pleading, "Please go honey, go." Lindsay saw the look in her mother's eyes and stood frozen in place. She didn't want to leave her mother, but she did what she was told. She ran into her room and locked the door, and curled up on the floor beside the wall, clinging to the old teddy bear that had been her favorite.

Bill Monroe slammed the front door behind him as he entered the house. His blood shot eyes and the small of whiskey on his breath were his companions now. He had run off every friend since the bank was going to foreclose on the ranch.

Cathy stood in the kitchen wringing her hands in fear; she knew what was about to happen: he was going to hit her.

"Cathy, baby, I'm so sorry," he said, sadness prominent in his brown eyes, "Can you forgive me?" He held his arms to coax Cathy into his arms and she gingerly stepped into his embrace. He held her for awhile and reached to the side of his jeans for something.

Lindsay hearing her dad come home, opened her bedroom door. Still clutching her bear, she snuck into the kitchen just in time to see her father shoot her mother in the head and then he turned the gun on himself.

The blood spattered on Lindsay and the bear and she let out a wailing scream, for the entire world to hear.

To be continued


	3. Help Me

part 3...

Lindsay sat on the front porch swing with her next door neighbor, clutching her hand. Her lip quivered and she looked out across the yard as the investigators roped off the house in yellow crime scene tape.

A police officer came over to talk to her and told Lindsay that she would have to go with him. "NO! I'm not going, I'm not going!" Lindsay screamed at the top of her lungs. The police officer got down on Lindsay's level and looks her straight in the eye and smiled. "Honey, it's going to be alright, you'll be safe, okay?"   
After 10 minutes of coaxing and promise of ice cream, Lindsay took the officers hand and they walked over to the social worker who was waiting in a van.

She was taken to the hospital and they did tests on her. She was examined and a female officer came in the room and makes her take her clothes off. She had to take pictures and that was when Lindsay started to bawl. "I don't want you to do this anymore; I want to see my momma and daddy!" Lindsay said, pulling away from the female officer. The social worker heard the commotion and she entered the examining room. "Honey, let the officer take your pictures honey, it'll be alright. I'm not going anywhere."

Lindsay slowly walked towards the officer, her footsteps making a soft pitter-pat as she walked. After the exam was completed, the nurse gave her a set of pajamas and she was told to put them on. She put the pajamas on and walked over to the window, looking out as all the people passed by. She leaned against the glass and her breath fogged up the window.

She wrote "help" in the fog and prayed for the world to see.

To be continued...


	4. The Baby Boy

part 4...

The cool draft that crepted under the windowsill stirred Lindsay out of a nightmare-filled sleep. She climbed out of the hospital bed and grabbed her teddy bear that one of the nurses had given her and opened the door. She snuck past the security guard who was doctoring a cup of coffee and went to the elevator. She hastily got into the elevator and found the button for the maternity floor and pushed it as hard as she could.

The elevator dinged and opened up and Lindsay went down the quiet corridor until she turned the corner to the nursery, and that's when she heard all the squalls. All she could hear were the harmony of squeaks, squeals, and cries of all the newborns. She peaked into one of the nursery windows and saw the the most active baby she had ever seen. It was a baby boy and he was squirming and scrunching up his little red face, ready to let on a tremendous cry.

She gently tapped on the glass and smiled. The little baby boy looked at her and stopped crying. He actually smiled at her. The little boy started to squirm again and he started batting the air with his little hands. He has little hands, Lindsay thought, he's so tiny.

Lindsay kept smiling at that little baby boy, not aware that every baby in that nursery was crying, except for that baby boy. Lindsay wondered what his name was. She peered down in front of his bassinet and saw the name, Daniel.

Daniel, Lindsay thought, I like that name. He seemed to calm down when I started to smile at him. I hope I meet a man who is just as strong as this baby is, and that I can love. He could even have the same name! Lindsay thought.

Lindsay was so focused on the baby boy that she did not hear the footsteps coming her way.

to be continued...


	5. Rescue

part 5...

Lindsay heard the footsteps hit the floor and she took off down the hall. She thought she lost them, but then she heard someone call her name. 

"Lindsay! Lindsay! It's Miss Ann, the social worker," Ann responded, "We not going to hurt you."

Lindsay heard the social worker call out her name, but she didn't care. Nobody was going to make her live with people she didn't know. She didn't care if she was an orphan. All she wanted was her momma and even though, her daddy did a bad thing, she wanted to see him too. But they were never coming back.

She slowed down to stop and catch her breath. She went over to the hospital and slid down it until she was sitting Indian-style on the cold floor.

The footsteps grew louder and this time she heard two other sets of footsteps along with the social worker.

She looked up and saw a familiar set of people. It was her Aunt Debbie and her Uncle Bob. She sprung up from the floor and ran over to her aunt and uncle. Aunt Debbie and Uncle Bob held her tightly and let her cry her sadness out.

Lindsay removed herself from their embrace and held her head down. Aunt Debbie put her finger under Lindsay's chin and lifted it up.

"Lindsay, honey, you're coming home with us," Aunt Debbie, said with a weak smile, "It'll be alright".

But would it?


	6. Pumkin

part 6...

After gathering her things, Uncle Bob gingerly picked up Lindsay and walked her out to the waiting station wagon. Even though it was the law to buckle her up, he made an exception and placed her in the back seat. He reached in the back and grabbed some blankets that they keep in there just in case. Unfolding the blanket, he gingerly placed it over the small form of Lindsay.

The ride to their Bozeman home was on of the longest that they have ever experienced. Praying that Lindsay would get some shut eye, Aunt Debbie glanced in the back and saw that Lindsay was still sound asleep. She still couldn't believe it, her sister was dead. Her sister was one of the main reasons that her life was the way it is. And now she's gone.

She promised herself that she would take care of her niece and that was a promise.

It was still nighttime when they reached the house. Lindsay let out a small cry of protest as she was lifted out of the car. "It's okay, pumkin," Uncle Bob said, "It's all right, it's all right."

The kids were asleep when she they entered the house. Luckily the neighbor, Mrs. Andrews volunteered to come over and keep an eye on the kids.

Taking Lindsay to an extra bedroom, Uncle Bob and Aunt Debbie placed her in the bed. She still had her PJ's on from the hospital.  
They kept the door cracked open so if she called out, they would hear her.

They were sitting at the table, milking the cups of coffee that was in front of them. Debbie ran her hands through her hair and sighed. Bob got up from the table and came over and squeezed her shoulders.

"Bob, what are we going to do?", the look in her eyes, she's lost."

Can time really tell?

to be continued


	7. The battle within

part 7...

16 years later...

She still has the vivid memories of that day when she was a little girl. The memories are a bit fuzzy now but they are a constant battle in her work as a Detective and a CSI. gnawing at her and eating her alive. Aunt Debbie and Uncle Bob did give her a great life and she can't thank them enough if only they were still around. A drunk driver crossed the center lane and hit them head on 2 years ago on a rainy night in Bozeman. She was there at the funeral but it only brought back the memories of her parents.

Lindsay vowed to herself that she would never let her personal life interfere with her professional life and that she would never tell another living soul what happened. That was her secret that would go to the grave with her.

She thought she was strong enough until she saw that woman-child, a young woman, no older than 18, dead in the back alley at the club. The dead girl's eyes. lifeless and empty, stared back at her and Lindsay couldn't help but stare at those eyes. She was so lost in thought she didn't even see Mac come up behind her.

He called out her name and he handed her the camera so she could take pictures of the crime scene. She did not budge. Danny came up behind her and asked if she was okay and she shrugged it off and told him she was.

What she didn't know was that her life would never be the same again.


	8. Favors

part 8...

After seeing Carensa Sanders lying on the cold, damp pavement out in the alleyway, she has been lost. Lost to all thoughts, lost to the sounds in the lab, and especially lost to Danny. She just couldn't shake the feeling that her past was going to catch up with her.

Returning to the skull that Hammerback saved for her to look at she tried to focus on her task at hand. Putting her feelings aside, she picked up the piece of skull. She was engrossed in her work she didn't even notice that Danny had come into the lab.

"Please tell me the vic was beaten to death."

"Danny, I think she was bludgeoned to death."

Hammerback dropped by the lab to tell them that Carensa's mother was in the conference room. They both looked at each other and were puzzled. They didn't call her here, she was told by someone else.

Danny asked her if she could talk to Mrs. Sanders and he would follow up on the shoe polish.

She thought she was strong enough to beat the demons that were in her heart since the accident, but she wasn't strong enough. She couldn't talk to that woman, no matter how much Danny wanted her to.

After she begged and pleaded with him to talk to the mother, he caved in. But not without showing the growing concern for her that he had been experiencing since she was not ready for a relationship. Please Lindsay, open up to me, he thought as he gave her one more concerned glance and went to the conference room.

Getting the results for the shoe polish didn't take that much time so she walked by the conference room just in time to see Danny get slapped by the mother.

She stepped back horrified that she just saw him get slapped and she knew it was her fault. Her fault that he was slapped and it was her fault for a lot of things.

When will the pain ever end?


	9. Pulling Away

Danny's POV

She's pulling away. Pulling away from me, and away from the team and she won't tell why. Why is she running and who is she running away from?

10 months ago, I teased her when she first came to the Crime Lab. But it was all in fun; a way to break in the new girl. I gave her a hard time, teased her and called her Montana.

She hated it.

After she proved me wrong, and took me to Cozy's; we flirted non-stop.

During the summer, we still continued our friendly banter and I asked her out for drinks, but only as a friend. We had some laughs and we hung out. No worries.

When she decided to go undercover, I was scared to death. Scared for her for risking her life and scared for me.

Lindsay found a way into my heart and I didn't know what to do.

I was whipped by a country girl and she has made me feel emotions that I never thought I possessed. Me, Danny Messer in love? Was Mac right when he said that it could happen to me? Fall in love?

Nah, Mac must have been talking about something else? Yes, that's what that was.

After we became close, that's when she started to change. I knew she changed when she didn't show up for our dinner. I felt the chemistry and I know she felt it too. The way her face reacted when I told her a funny joke was all the evidence that I needed to conform my thoughts.

She loved me and I loved her.

So why did she pull away from me?

Lately, she has been more withdrawn and sometimes I hear her cry in the locker room. I try to approach her but she pulls away; she always pulls away.

I would take the hurt to make her happy. The slap from Carensa's mother was proof enough that I was there for her.

How can I get through to her?


	10. Scald

Lindsay tosses her keys on her coffee table as she came into her apartment. Ignoring her hunger, she bypassed the food in the refrigerator and went straight for the Jack Daniels in her pantry. Pouring herself a double shot, she sat down at the kitchen table.

She wanted to get wasted; she wanted to forget this day. It brought back the memories of her parents and that was too much for her to handle today.

Considering a third shot, she went into her bedroom and stripped off her clothes. Walking into the bathroom, she closed the door behind her and cut on the shower. Stepping into the shower, she ignored the hot scalding water that was knives on her skin.

As she went into a sorrow-induced trance, she thought of the torment that she was causing Danny. She was doing her family an injustice about not talking about what happened on that day.

The scalding of her skin was her drug; it was her release.

Bozeman, Montana

Lucy Carlson was an up-and -coming news reporter from Billings. Tired of the boring and cumbersome news stories that she had encountered, she needed a new break.

Walking up the steps to the Bozeman City Library, she had a plan. She was going to feature a story that would catch the attention of the networks. This would be her chance to get out of this state and on to the big networks.

The library was as big as a library could be in Bozeman. She walked straight over to the front desk. Using her naive voice that she used to get what she wanted, she started to speak.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes dear," the elderly receptionist replied "How can I help you?"

"My college is doing a report on the history of Bozeman; do you have any old newspapers that I can use?"

The receptionist came from behind the desk. "Well, we have some Microfiche films that you can view."

"That sounds good."

"Follow me please."

Lucy followed slowly behind the woman. They descended down steps that led to the basement. There were two Microfiche machines and two tables.

"I hope this helps you out."

"It does ma'am; thank you very much."

The receptionist left the basement as Lucy walked along the walls to look at the rolls of film that contained the newspapers of the last 100 years. She started at the most recent year and moved backwards. For some reason the year of 1980 caught her attention. She was drawn to that roll and at the time, she didn't know why.

She sat down at the machine and got to work.


	11. Running Away From the Present

Lucy Carlson had found what she had deducted would be her ticket out of this town. After paying for the copies of the microfiche she printed, she got back into her car and headed for the KCAN-TV station.

Tapping her hands on the steering wheel, her thoughts went back to the story. Imagine that crime being committed in this backwards town of Bozeman, where the only thing being talked about more is which horse escaped from which ranch.

She headed over to her desk and she started to organize the copies when Craig Tomley came over to her desk.

"So Lucy, are you going to tell me what you're working on this time?"

Lucy gave him a wink and leaned in closer to Craig. Craig leaned in closer to her and just when he thought that she was going to kiss him; she tweaked his nose.

"You'll just have to wait and see. But I can promise you this: It will change my life for the best."

She excused herself and walked away; leaving Craig wondering what Lucy was up to next. 

Lindsay drove up to the crime scene with Sheldon, determined to hide her feelings about her past.

Her strong will was dashed when she saw the deaf woman crying for her dead daughter. She felt weak in the knees and nearly dropped the ground. She had to leave the scene now. Right now.

Looking over at Sheldon, she asked for the keys from him. He asked her why and she told him that she would be at the lab. She drove away, leaving him in the dust. Sheldon and Stella exchanged worried looks, fearing the worst for Lindsay.

Arriving in the lab, she ran to the locker room, avoiding all around her. She went into one of the shower stalls, sat down and just cried, releasing it all.


	12. Break Room

This is my version of what happened in "Silent Night." In my version, Stella never confronted Lindsay.

part 12...

Lindsay sat in the shower stall in what seemed like an eternity. Wet from the water on the shower floor, she stood up and went over to the mirror against the wall. Even though it was not visible in from of the team, circles were developing under her eyes. Nightmares and lack of sleep was the culprit. She didn't know how much longer she was going to be able to keep it together. It was getting more and more difficult with every passing minute.

With her clothes soaking wet, she grabbed an extra set of clothes, changed and went back to work. 

Detective Don Flack was finishing up some paperwork in his office. The hustle and bustle of the precinct was a constant reminder that he had a lot to do. Rubbing his forehead, he got up from his seat and headed for the break room. A large cup of coffee was calling his name.

A television was blaring in the break room. A couple of rookies were watching it with fascination.

Don walked over to the rookies and tapped on of them on the shoulder.

"Don't you guys have something better to do?" Don said, speaking with his authority.

Officer Stewart and Officer Henderson nodded in unison. They gulped down the rest of their coffee and headed for the break room doors.

Don was about to cut off the television when the show "Criminal Mysteries" came on. He made a point to not watch those kinds of shows. They had a tendency to stretch the truth a bit.

What the Hell, he thought as he sat down at the table. He turned up the volume as the host Sarah Anderson came on the screen.

"Good Evening, and welcome to Criminal Mysteries. Our first story is a breakthrough piece by an up-and-coming national reporter named Lucy Carlson. We'll be back after the commercial with her report."

Don had some time to kill so he sat back and was going to watch the show.

You never know what interesting findings you may discover.


	13. A Glimpse in the Past

Don relaxed as he waited for the commercial to end. He would have left but it didn't hurt that the host, Sarah Anderson was easy on the eyes.

His eyes went back to the TV as Sarah came back on.

"Criminal Mysteries returns with a story from the wheat fields of Montana. Our first story is a riveting story of what happens when bad things happen to good people. We know send this report to Lucy Carlson."

Don watched as Lucy stood in what seemed to be a ranch-style house in Montana.

"Sarah, our story begins in 1984 in the town of Bozeman, Montana. What started out to be a wonderful day for Cathy and Lindsay Monroe, ended in tragedy for Cathy Monroe. Bill Monroe, father of Lindsay, wife of Cathy came home in a drunken rage and fatally shot Cathy and turned the gun on himself. The question is: why would a seemingly "normal" family be targeted for such a crime."

Don stared in disbelief as he listened on to the report. One of the team had been through such a trauma. He couldn't take anymore, so he flipped of the set. What he didn't realize was that Danny had come up behind him and had watched the whole news piece.

Don turned in his seat and came face to face with Danny. "Man, I didn't hear you there." "Are you alright?"

Danny's eyes glazed over in concern over Lindsay. "No, I'm not alright.  
I gotta go." He slowly backed away and ignored the calls of Don behind him.

He pushed away all the sounds in the lab and he knew that he had to find her. The question was: where was she?


	14. You've Got Mail

Lindsay tried to concentrate on the evidence in front of her. But the thought of that day when she was younger flashed again in her eyes. The blood, the blue flash of the police squad cars were a constant reminder of pain and torment in her very existence.

She brushed away a single tear that escaped from her eye and she heard footsteps behind her. She sniffed and turned and saw that Danny was standing 3 feet away from her.

"Linds are you alright?" Danny said, his voice filled with concern and worry.

"I...Danny, I can't be here now." Lindsay said, on the verge of tears. "Can you tell Mac that I had to go home, tell him that I went home sick. Just tell him something please?"

Before he could speak another word, she took off her gloves, tossed them into the biohazard container and headed out the door.

He knew that something was bothering her and he had a pretty good feeling about what it was about. But one thing was for sure: he wanted to be the first to break the news about the TV show before somebody else did.

* * *

Lindsay arrived home in less than 40 minutes. But it felt like 40 days. She changed out of her work clothes, put on a tank top and a pair of sweat pants.

She went over to her computer and flipped it on. When ever she felt upset about the death of her parents, she cut on the computer and looked at the pictures of her family before the tragedy.

Sitting down, she opened her email box account and saw that she had 30 messages from people that she knew.

They all had the same message:

**"We heard about your family sadness." **

"I can't believe that happened to you."

"Damn that show **Criminal Mysteries****."**

She was in shock.


	15. Peace Offering and Cows

Danny grabbed his keys and headed towards the garage. He knew that Lindsay's apartment was not far. He kept rehearsing what he was going to say and what he was going to do for her. She deserves so much more than she was receiving in life.

But she didn't deserve all this pain. She didn't at all.

He was almost there when he saw a vendor selling stuffed animals and flowers.

He pulled over and looked over at the stock and examined the array of stuffed animals. He picked up one of the animals and gave a small smirk as he grabbed for his wallet. And then he noticed the flowers. He had to get them.

He was there for her and these tokens of affections were a beginning, a chance to heal and hope.

He can't pass that by.

* * *

The tears flowed down her face as she sat in front of the computer screen. Why was this happening to her? Why me?

She walked up to the full-length mirror in the bedroom. I look like crap, she thought, as she tried to put the stray hairs that had fallen from her ponytail.

I really hope that nobody sees me like this, she said. But she had no sooner said those words when she heard the doorbell.

"Lindsay, please open up. Please let me talk to ya." Danny said a sense of pleading apparent in his voice.

"I look horrible." Lindsay said, sadly.

"Linds, you're beautiful. Listen I have seen you hands deep in decomp. Nothing bothers me."

"Ha! Ha!" Lindsay said sarcastically. She opened up the door to let Danny in but he didn't move. Not an inch.

"What's wrong?" Lindsay said.

"Peace offering?" Danny said, reaching behind his back and handed her the stuffed animal. It was a stuffed cow and some daisies.

"They're beautiful." Lindsay said, her voice reduced to a mere whisper.

He came in and walked towards her. The closer he got, he could tell that she was about to cry. Again.

"Lindsay, let me in please? Just let me in. Please?" Danny said, pleading with her.

Her lower lip trembled as she lost control. She dropped the flowers and the cow and Danny held her in an embrace and she knew at this point that she would tell him everything.

And it begins now.


	16. To Tell The Truth

FINAL CHAPTER

Part 16...

**Summary**: She tells him everything

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters, so don't hurt me.

**Pairings:** D/L

**Rating**: K

He sat there and just listened. She opened up to him about what her father did to her mother and the suicide that tore apart her family. She had never told that to anybody she cared about and Danny felt blessed that she was the one that she opened up to.

After she was finished telling him her past, they just sat there and looked back at each other. Danny guided her closer to him and just held her. He kissed the top of her head and let her relax next to him as long as she pleased.

"What do we do next?" Danny said, whispering it in her ear.

She scooted out of his embrace and stood up. Danny saw the fear in her eyes.

"Danny, I think it's time that I told Mac and the crew. I'm damn tired of hiding from my past and have it interfere with my future."

He didn't have to say one single word. They grabbed their coats and headed towards the door. To let the truth be known and for the past to be forgiven.


End file.
